Don't Want To Lose You Read online

  *~*

  I wake up with a killer hangover. I didn’t go home last night, I remember that, but the rest of the night is a blur. “Fuck,” I groan, cupping my head.

  Movement to the left of me causes me to panic. What the shit? I look over and see her. Short, curly blonde hair, blanket pulled up just over her ass. Shit. No, no, no, no, no. Please tell me I didn’t do something so fucking stupid last night.

  I move out of bed quickly and get dressed.

  “Where are you going?” Lacey asks.

  I look up as I zip up my pants. “This didn’t fucking happen,” I tell her, panicked.

  She smiles. “Oh baby, it so did.”

  I glare at her. “You tell Trixie and you’ll wish you hadn’t.”

  She narrows her eyes at me. “Excuse me? If we don’t keep doing what we did last night, I will, and nothing you do will stop me. Poor little Trixie. Her baby just died and her husband cheated on her, all in the same week.” She gives me a nasty smirk, as the blankets fall, giving me a full view of her naked chest.

  I look away quickly. “You do realize she’s good friends and family with the Angels Warriors, right?”

  Her eyes widen in shock and her face pales. “You shittin’ me?” she croaks out.

  “If I lose my marriage because of this, because you tell her, I won’t hesitate to send Reaper after you. And you know how much he can’t stand your slutty ass.” Everyone in town knows of his hatred for Lacey, although the stupid thing is, his hate for her is all his own fault. He’s the one that slept with her. And his wife Moira knows Lacey all too well also. Since Lacey fucked her now ex-husband in their home.

  Lacey might not be a stripper anymore or a hooker whatever the fuck, but she’s still not liked around here. Most women, if not all of them, despise her. And she’s known for sleeping with married men, taken men, whatever. I should have known this shit would happen, all the attention she gave me, the bitchy comments about my own wife. Trixie’s warnings.

  I rush out of the hotel room, and into my car. Fucking hell, how am I supposed to face my wife.

  *

  I was thankful Trixie never found out what happened, and even with all the guilt I felt, I couldn’t bring myself to tell her. It wasn’t an issue since Lacey left town the next day and didn’t come back—until three months ago when the bitch showed up and introduced me to the daughter we made together that awful night.

  Chapter 3

  Trixie

  I haven’t heard from Chris in a week. I send him texts, telling him I love him, but he never texts me back. Since I have nothing that needed to be done today, instead of wallowing at home alone, I decided to get some grocery shopping done. That’s when I spot Lilly up ahead.

  We have had a weird relationship, mainly because my idiotic cousin Kayla was screwing her husband and ended up getting knocked up. It caused a huge family issue when my parents and my aunt and uncle found out I was hanging out with Lilly. They blamed her and Vincent for a long time for Kayla’s death. Now, though, everything is normal. Hell, my aunt and uncle love Lilly and even treat her daughter as their grandchild as well.

  “Hey, Trixie,” Lilly says, smiling at me. She always looks so damn stunning every time I see her. Her long, curly brown hair is perfectly styled, and she always looks like she’s comfortable in just her Tee shirt and jeans. Every once in a while, I spot her wearing a pretty dress, but that’s usually only for nights out, when I see her, Eden, and Moira having a girls’ night.

  “Hey, Lilly, how are you?”

  “Tired, I just dropped the girls off to school and figured I should get some things done,” she says.

  I smile, hoping it’s genuine, since I don’t have much reason to smile for real these days.

  “Okay.” Her eyes narrow at me. “What gives?”

  “What gives?” I repeat.

  “Yeah, what gives? You’ve never shopped during the weekdays unless you tag-a-long with Chris. You spend that time blogging and stuff. You only go grocery shopping on weekends, first thing in the morning ‘cause you hate being around people.”

  Hearing Chris’s name causes me to wince.

  “What did he do?” Lilly demands, suddenly angry.

  I burst out crying, telling her everything I know.

  “He didn’t give you a reason? Just said he wanted out?” she asks in shock.

  I nod.

  “What a dick. Because of him, you lost Avalynn and Kristi as friends. You wanted your time with him. You put up with his shitty ass family and this is how he repays you?” She looks ready to blow. “I’m telling the guys. I swear to god, I’m going to kick his ass.”

  Avalynn and Kristi were my best friends in High School, but once I hooked up with Chris, the friendship sort of fell apart. They always wanted to go out and have fun, but I was at home with Chris, spending every minute I had with him. After a while of trying, we lost contact. Avalynn moved away and last I heard, is married to Cameron James, the CEO of some huge company in Edmonton. And Kristi, according to her Facebook page, is dating Vinny’s brother Bryce, and they just had their first child.

  “Lilly, don’t. Please. I just want to give this time. Maybe he’ll talk to me when he’s ready,” I say, sounding hopeful.

  She stares at me a moment, her jaw clenching. “Fine, but I’m still telling Eden and Moira.” Those girls are all nuts. I can only imagine what they’ll do to Chris once they find out. Also, I know that they won’t keep their mouths shut. Once they know what’s going on, every single person in town is going to know.

  I sigh and smile sadly at her. “I’m gonna finish up okay, I’ll talk with you later?”

  “Yeah, sweetie. Oh, before you go, my sister, Cori, and her sister, Melissa, are coming up this weekend. They’re bringing their kids, you should come too.”

  I nod with a smile and I walk off. Part of me really wanted to say no to hanging out tonight, thinking about how if my daughter lived, I’d be taking her there too.

  I get home and get things put away. I debate on what I should make for supper tonight and end up deciding on Kraft Dinner. Normally, I’d make meat and a good side, but with Chris not around, there’s no point to that. I only ate that way because it’s what he wanted.

  The house phone rings and I grab it. “Hello?” I answer without checking the caller ID.

  “I heard Chris left you.” Fucking Nina, Chris’s mother. Of course, she’d call to gloat.

  “I don’t have the energy to deal with you right now. You also have zero reason to call me. You want to talk about something? Call your son, not me.” I hang up without letting her reply.

  Fuck her.

  I see my mom pull into my driveway as if she was being chased by the police. Shit, she must have found out. I know I should have told her last week, right after Chris left, but I didn’t want her to be upset with me.

  She always said that if we ever split up she would take Chris’ side. I know she was joking, but at this point, I’m not too sure about anything.

  Sure enough, mom comes walking in, fuming. “That son of a mother fucking bitch!” she roars.

  I look at her, eyes wide. My mom never swears.

  “Mom,” I start.

  “Why? Why did he leave?” she demands.

  “I don’t know, Mom. He woke up and said he didn’t know if he wanted this anymore and said he wanted to separate.”

  “Why didn’t you call me? Text me? Something to let me know,” Mom asks, upset.

  “I didn’t want to disappoint you. Didn’t want you to blame me,” I finally tell her, sounding like a child.

  “Trixie, how could you think I would feel that way? I love you—you’re my daughter.” She gives me a hug, then pulls away, walking to my kitchen pantry and takes out the bag of potatoes and starts peeling. Looks like I’m having company and a bigger meal for supper tonight than I thought. “You just wait until I see Chris. I’m going to give him a piece of my mind.”

  I sigh and look in my fridge, grab a package of steak,
but pause just before I go out to start the BBQ. “Mom, why are we trying to turn the stove and BBQ on so early? It’s only three forty-five.”

  Mom laughs. “You know I eat when I get ranting and raving and I didn’t think of the time. Oh well, we’ll just have an early supper. You have any Veggies to make with this stuff?”

  “Yeah, there are a few things in the fridge crisper,” I tell her.

  “Your dad is going to be upset. He was really close with Chris, almost more than I was.”

  “I know, I just hope he takes the news like you did and doesn’t try to blame me for his leaving.”

  “Pfft, he won’t, trust me. You have always been a daddy’s girl, so he’ll probably kick Chris’ ass when he sees him. Oh, and by the way, I know you, I know you hate drama, but I know that Nina and Will have called to harass you already, gloating about Chris leaving you. So, I’ll be placing that phone call the minute I get my ass home.”

  I groan, great. Lovely. I’ll probably get another phone call tonight or tomorrow from Nina after mom rips her a new asshole.

  Preston

  I couldn’t help but overhear Lilly and Trixie talking, but they weren’t exactly speaking quietly. Has my chance finally come? I’ve loved Trixie for years, but I’m not the type a guy that moves in on someone else’s woman. I always thought that Trixie and Chris had a good marriage, despite the loss they went through years ago.

  I know exactly why their marriage is falling apart right now, Chris fucked up. I only know because I saw Lacey out and about, pushing a stroller. She didn’t hesitate to brag about Chris being the father of her child. And judging by the age of the kid, she was conceived right after Trixie lost her baby.

  Trixie doesn’t know yet, which pisses me off. That jackass husband of hers better tell her soon, before someone else does. If Trixie is the woman I think she is, though, she won’t forgive him for this.

  And if she doesn’t forgive him, I’ll finally have a chance to make Trixie mine.

  Chapter 4

  Chris

  Joel has been giving me the silent treatment at work. Guess everyone there knows that I’m not with Trixie anymore.

  I get home to Allan’s and avoid both him and Jess, heading straight for the spare room I’m sleeping in. Seeing the texts from Trixie, telling me she loves me, kills me. I want to go back to her, to tell her the truth and try to work it out, but I can’t. Not yet. I need a damn plan first.

  My phone starts buzzing and I don’t recognize the number so I answer it, thinking maybe it’s Lacey wanting to finally talk about what’s going to happen now that she’s officially ruined my life and possibly my marriage.

  “Hello?” I say.

  “You mother fucking asshole.” Shit, it’s Jilla, my mother-in-law.

  “Jilla,” I start.

  “Don’t you Jilla me, you son of a bitch. I can’t believe you would do this. Just wanted to call to let you know that I’m setting my daughter up on a date. You can kiss your wife goodbye for good.” She hangs up.

  I sit up in bed, furious. Shit. My Trixie on a date? No, Trix wouldn’t do that. Would she? The old Trix would in a heartbeat. I know her track record, it made me hesitant on dating her in the first place. She’d date someone, and within a week of the break up, she’d be dating someone else.

  But she’s different now.

  I contemplate picking up the phone and calling her, but that thought gets shoved down the shitter when my phone rings and I see it’s my mom.

  Sighing, I slide my finger over the answer button. “Hey, Mom.”

  “Did you put her up to this?” she demands angrily.

  “Put who up to what?”

  “That shitty wife of yours’ mother! That’s what. She called me, cussing me out. Said I need to leave Trixie alone or she’s driving up to visit me to put her foot up my ass! I should call the cops! She threatened me!”

  “Mom, just shut up. She’s right. You are leaving Trixie alone. I don’t want you calling her, not for any reason.”

  “You always did take their side over mine. I always told you that girl was no good for you, but you never listened. She couldn’t even deliver a baby alive.” She tsks’. “You should just move back home and start the divorce. Then I can find you a nice girl to marry and have babies with.”

  “I love Trixie, that hasn’t changed. If you don’t stop bad mouthing her, I swear I’m done with you, done with dad. All of it. We’re not divorcing, we’re just taking a break from each other. Losing Lola was hard on both of us and we lost our way. That’s all.”

  “I don’t know what we ever did to you and your brother for you to do this to us.” She’s crying now, but I don’t buy that act.

  “He pulling that shit Steve did now?” I hear my father slur in the background. With that, I hang up. Only more bullshit will be said once he gets involved, and I don’t want to deal with either of them right now. Growing up, they always had a drinking problem. They pushed my older brother, Steve, away a few years ago for the same bullshit they’ve put Trixie through. He had enough of them bad-mouthing his wife, Nica, and being drunk around the kids all the time, so he hasn’t seen or spoken to them since.

  I don’t blame him. I have my own bullshit to deal with.

  Chapter 5

  Trixie

  The last three months have been hard, but I’ve been managing. Chris still hasn’t come home, still hasn’t told me why he is doing this to us. Something is going on, everywhere I go, people look at me with pity. People are whispering. The only good thing is that he’s still putting money into our joint account, so our bills all get paid.

  Sitting on the couch reading Beauty and the Biker by Glenna Maynard, I’m interrupted by a knock at the door. Opening it up, I come face to face with Vinny, my niece’s uncle. As usual, his ugly old beanie hat is on his head and he has a cigarette hanging from his mouth. He’s on the skinny side of the Angels Warriors guys, but it suits him.

  “Hey, what are you doing here?” I ask, confused.

  He stares at me, not saying anything for a few minutes and then his face goes angry. “Fuck, you don’t know yet? I’m gonna kill the fucker.”

  “Huh?”

  He doesn’t reply, he just clenches his jaw and turns around, stalking to his bike and takes off.

  What on earth was that about? I shut my front door and turn the lock, going back to my living room to get my phone.

  “Hello?” Lilly answers after the first ring.

  “Hey, Vinny was just here. He was being weird and didn’t make a lick of sense.”

  “He’s odd like that, it was probably nothing. Are you busy tonight?”

  “No, I was just reading a book and was gonna have a glass of wine.”

  “Nope, no doing that. Clubhouse is having a party tonight. You should come, it’ll be fun.”

  I think about it and decide why not. “Sure, want me to bring anything?”

  “Nope, just yourself, and wear something other than pajamas please.” She laughs and hangs up on me.

  I get ready quickly, just throwing a pair of jeans and a tee shirt on, and give my long blonde hair a quick brush.

  Before leaving, I try to call Chris. This limbo thing he’s doing to us is killing me, and I need to ask him. I just have to.

  “Trixie,” he sighs as he answers the phone.

  “I don’t want to take up much of your time, but I need to know. Should I seek out a lawyer?” I blurt out as fast as possible. I wasn’t going to bring up a lawyer, but it’s been months, and we haven’t talked. It’s been silence. Something has got to happen because we can’t be stuck like this.

  “A lawyer? Why?” he replies, confused.

  “Not sure why you’re confused about me seeking out a lawyer, but I need to know what’s going on. I can’t keep living like this.”

  “I don’t want a divorce, Trixie, I just need time.” He sounds almost desperate.

  “You keep saying that, but it doesn’t make sense. I guess I’m back in limbo, bye.” I han
g up and shove my phone into my purse. Starting to wonder if he ever loved me in the first place.

  Sighing, I go out to my car and take off to the club house.

  Chapter 6

  Chris

  Sitting in my car, my head drops as Trixie hangs up on me. Something has to give here. I hate being apart from her, I hate that I caused us so many problems. And I hate it even more that I’m sitting out in Lacey’s apartment complex parking lot. I don’t want to be here, but we have to work something out because I’m not abandoning my child, no matter how much I hate her mother.

  Slowly getting out and shutting my door, I look around. Where did she get the money for a nice place like this? Far as I know, she doesn’t have a job right now. When she left town after our night together, she quit, and Joel said no matter how much she begged, he would never rehire her.

  So how does she have money?

  I give my head a quick shake, step into the foyer and buzz her apartment. I don’t have to wait long because seconds later, she buzzes back to come up and the locked door allows me in. Minutes later, I’m on her floor and I don’t even have to knock on her front door, it’s wide open. Stepping in, I look around the place. Seriously, where the hell did she get this kind of money?

  “Hey, Lita is playing in the living room,” Lacey says, sticking her head out from the kitchen and pointing in the direction of the living room. I nod my head at her and head there.

  Lita must hear me as I walk into the space and she looks up at me instantly. “Dada!” she screeches. I smile and go to her, lifting her up, kissing her softly on the head. God, I wish she was mine and Trixie’s. I talk to her quietly as I walk around the living room, looking at all the pictures. I stop on the section of baby photos and see one of Lita right after her birth. Pain envelopes me. Shit, she looks exactly like Lola did when she was born.

  I look back to Lita and take in her features. Is this what Lola would have looked like had she lived? I don’t know if I can ever talk to Trixie about this. The second she finds out Lita’s name, the second she sees her baby pictures, it will kill her. It’s already killing me.